Is it possible to grow up in a Christian home where you see the Gospel modeled, hear the Gospel discussed, and experience the Gospel community (church) regularly, only to discard the Christian faith and join an occult? This was the exact testimony of the well-known theologian A. W. Pink.
Arthur W. Pink (1886-1952) was born and raised in a devout Christian home, but made the decision to abandon his godly upbringing. As a teenager he became steeped in a theosophical society (an occult Gnostic group) and quickly rose to a position of leadership within their ranks. Arthur did not simply lose interest in Christianity, he joined forces with those who were aggressive foes of it.
Imagine the confusion of his parents. Imagine their broken hearts. No doubt they spent many sleepless nights tormented by the choices of their son. No doubt they sent countless prayers up to God on their son’s behalf. No doubt they questioned their own shortcomings as parents. No doubt they were desperately searching for a solution.
Mom and Dad, maybe you feel a similar distress. Maybe the attitude of your teen is sour. Maybe you notice inconsistencies in their behavior that send up red flags in your mind. Maybe your teen is deceitful. Maybe they cheat or lie in order to get ahead at things. Maybe they are disrespectful to you or other figures of authority. Maybe they willingly and openly rebel. Or, maybe your teen is not as overt in their expressions of sin. Maybe they just have a coolness towards spiritual things. Maybe they repeatedly respond with apathy or disinterest every time you seek to bring up spiritual discussions. Maybe the problem is that the Gospel has not yet taken hold of their life.
So, what can you do? What did Arthur’s parents do? They kept evangelizing their son. Why? Because they knew that the only solution to the destructive state of their child was for the Gospel to take hold of his life. So, Arthur’s father devised a plan. He would wait patiently for Arthur to come home each night. And each night as his son walked past the table where he was sitting, he would quote a Bible verse to him. Night after night, verse after verse, Arthur’s father would evangelize his son.
Finally, one night as Arthur walked past his father, Arthur heard the words of Proverbs 14:12, "There is a way which seems right to a man, but the end of it is the way of death." These words pierced young Arthur’s heart like a sword. He went to his room and agonized over the verse. It wouldn’t let go of him. It was then, in his early 20’s, that the Gospel shattered his hardened heart and brought new life to his soul. Arthur renounced the occult and embraced Christ as his Lord and Savior. He was a changed man. It was the power of the Gospel that changed him.
As I consider this story of the faithful evangelistic efforts of Arthur’s parents, I can’t help but think of the many unhelpful approaches that some parents use in order to deal with their wayward teen. Several parental tactics that I have observed over the years appear to be incomplete or just simply inaccurate. Here are some of the most common:
• Endure the teen’s sinful behavior. Have you ever been counseled by someone that your child’s problems are just a "phase that all teens go through"? That if you can just "wait it out" everything will turn out okay? Those who take this approach are missing a golden opportunity to evangelize their teen. This "just grin and bear it" approach completely ignores the chance to point out to your teen the expressions of their sin – this results in countless missed opportunities to follow up the bad news of their sin by introducing them to the good news of the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Furthermore, it overlooks the obvious fact that their sin is an offense to a holy God. Enduring or ignoring your teen’s sin does not make it go away. Waiting it out might appear to soften the situation, but it solves nothing. As one popular parenting book so boldly proclaims – the teen years are the Age of Opportunity (authored by Paul Tripp). Thus, these years should not be reduced to a mere age of toleration.
• Force the teen to change. There is a right way and a wrong way to fight disobedience, rebellion, disrespect, etc. To "bring down the boom" or "fight fire with fire" is not the right way. A sinful action from a teen does not warrant a sinful response from a parent. The "no child of mine will ever act this way so you will change or else" approach is incomplete and merely quenches the behavior problem – it does not deal with the belief problem. Our goal should not be to get our teens to behave properly, it should be to get them to believe properly. For, when they believe properly about themselves and God, it will take care of the other problems. We cannot force our teens to change their nature any more than we can force a leopard to change his spots (Jer 13:23).
• Reassign the teen to someone else. Please don’t misunderstand my comments here. I am not against calling upon the help of pastors, friends, and counselors to assist with teen problems. But, some parents seem to forget that God has given them the primary responsibility of evangelism and discipleship (Deut 6:4-7). There can come a temptation, when times get tough, to forfeit the responsibility of evangelism and discipleship to someone else. There is an obvious difference between seeking some help with your teen and looking for a spiritual drop-off service hoping to have a cleaned and pressed teenager when you come to pick them up.
Now, you might be thinking, "If these are incomplete solutions to the problem of my wayward teen, what can I do?" Well, you may not realize it, but you already possess the 2 most powerful weapons that can be deployed against the spiritual hardness of your teen – prayer and the Gospel. Prayer calls down the power of God, and the Gospel awakens the dead heart. Remember that it was the apostle Paul who wrote that the Gospel is the power of God to completely change someone’s life (Rom 1:16). So, let’s not ignore the treasure trove of help that we already own.
Okay, so if you are still with me at this point, you might be wondering, "Where can I start?" Well, let me first share a place not to start. Years ago, I had a good friend articulate his haphazard strategy for evangelizing his children and it went something like this: "What you need to do is get your child to pray a prayer of salvation when they are really young so that when they get to their teen years and rebel you can still have peace in your heart knowing that they are on their way to heaven." This "strategy" completely ignores the possibility that the Gospel never took hold in their child’s life. Furthermore, I am certain that Scripture gives much more valuable wisdom to guide our evangelistic efforts than to coax a child into reciting a prayer and then "hold on" for the ride. Let me suggest a few:
1. Pray. I cannot overstate how important it is for you to pray for your teen. Our abilities cease when the Gospel leaves our mouth and lands in the sinner’s ear. It is God alone who can take the Gospel from their ear to their heart.
2. Live out the Gospel. The old adage is true, you teach more with your life than your lips. Mom and dad, does your life add credibility to the Gospel or does it nullify the Gospel? Seek to consistently live a Gospel life that your teen would desire.
3. Make the most of opportunities to evangelize your teen’s heart. Behavior issues are Gospel opportunities. Let me say that again: behavior issues (outbursts of anger, disobedience, lying, rebellion) are Gospel opportunities. Far too often we look at demonstrations of sin in the wrong way. We see our children’s behavioral issues as an inconvenience, an irritation, or an embarrassment. In contrast, Jesus used sinful displays as opportunities to share the attractiveness of the Gospel (for example see the story of the woman at the well, John 4). These are tender teaching opportunities to point out the cause of their sinful actions (Mk 7:21-23) as well as the cure (Ez 36:26).
4. Be faithful in your evangelistic efforts. You will become discouraged. You will be tempted to quit. You will lose your patience. But, don’t give up. Persevere…your child’s eternal destiny hangs in the balance!
5. Share the Gospel with your teen to glorify God. Your primary goal in the evangelism of your teen cannot be to convert your teenager. If this is the case, you will have the tendency to quit when you do not see the desired results. But, if you make it your motive to first glorify God in the proclamation of His gospel, then you will carry on in your evangelistic efforts even when there is no immediate change in your teen.
In the coming issues of The Oak Leaf, my goal will be to assist parents in determining the true spiritual state of their teenager, i.e. does my teenager have a regenerate heart that needs to be discipled, or an unregenerate heart that needs to be evangelized? Stay tuned as we examine 3 spiritual vital signs of a regenerate heart from the book of 1 John. Until then…parents, please don’t stop evangelizing your wayward teen with the grace and love of Jesus Christ!
309.454.3833